


lost in the grey (please wait for my return)

by QuantumNebula



Series: DickTigerWeek2019 [4]
Category: DCU (Comics), Grayson (Comics), Nightwing (Comics)
Genre: Angst, Bruce Wayne - Freeform, Cassandra Cain - Freeform, Character death happens off-screen, Court of Owls, Damian Wayne - Freeform, Day 5-Assassin, Dick Grayson is a Talon, DickTigerWeek2019, Duke Thomas - Freeform, Jason Todd - Freeform, M/M, Stephanie Brown - Freeform, tim drake - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-22
Updated: 2019-02-22
Packaged: 2019-11-03 16:53:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17881601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QuantumNebula/pseuds/QuantumNebula
Summary: Dick recovers from being transformed into a Talon.





	lost in the grey (please wait for my return)

**Author's Note:**

> This is for DickTiger Week Day 5, and I went with the prompt Assassin. Enjoy!

Tim and Bruce stood, looking at the passed-out figure in the Batcave’s most airtight cell. Dick had always been an escape artist, and they doubted that Talon was any different. “Bruce…” Tim began, sounding uncharacteristically unsure. “What happens if he never recovers? If we never get Dick back?”

 

It was times like this that Bruce was painfully reminded of how young Tim really was. Tim looked up at Bruce with big eyes, that accented the youth still present in the curve of his jaw. He was looking to Bruce for the answers, in a way that he hadn’t for a very long time. And Bruce, well, he didn’t have the answers. Not this time.

 

Bruce had to repress a shudder, thinking back to the first time they saw Talon. Hawk-like yellow eyes, washed out skin. Black veins pumping beneath, filled with the Court’s vicious serum. But the worst part, far beyond his appearance was how Dick had looked at them. There had been no recognition in his face. Instead, a rough, scratchy voice had come out, declaring Bruce’s death.

 

A voice they were used to hearing in laughter, filled with love, lifting their family up and catching their falls. The voice of Bruce’s son, who he had loved since childhood. The boy who had taught him how to love again. And Talon (he wouldn’t call him Dick, never Dick) had declared that he was about to murder them. For the damned Court of Owls. Bruce wished he had never heard that name.

 

None of them could get through to him, not even Tiger, the love of Dick’s life. Tiger had pleaded with him, in a way that Bruce would have said the man was too proud for. But he had done it for Dick. In the end, it tragically it hadn’t even mattered. The love the Dick felt for Tiger hadn’t mattered. It hadn’t been enough to stop Talon.

 

“I don’t know Tim. I just don’t know.” All Bruce could do was hold his son, hoping to provide some comfort. “Martian Manhunter did what he could. It’s all up to Dick now. The battle will be fought in his mind, and we can’t do anything to help.”

 

Tim met his eyes. “And what if he does wake up? How will we explain to him what happened? What he did?”

 

Bruce pulled him back in, gripping tighter. “I wish I could give you an answer.”

 

Both pretended they didn’t see the other’s tears.

 

********

 

Talon was awake. No. Not awake, but aware. A dream? That did not make sense. Talon did not dream. Talon could not dream.

 

It was nice here. But Talon was not meant for nice things, Talon was meant for the Court. Talon should watch, report to the court.

 

Talon watched. An apartment. Two men, one larger than the other. Both dangerous. Difficult to take down. Even for Talon. One laughed. “Tiger!” he said. “Pay attention to me!”. Talon felt he should know him. The Tiger. He should know the Tiger. The other as well. He looked like Talon. But with life. He had life, while Talon only had the Court.

 

Tiger grumbled at the shorter man. “I have things to do, Dick.” Dick. Familiar for Talon, but Talon did not know why. Talon did not remember this. This man with Talon’s face. Who was this Not-Talon?

  
“Come on Tiger!” Dick whined. “I need love~~”

 

Tiger rolled his eyes, growing mischievous. “Oh, is that so?”

 

“Uh oh.” Dick turned to run, but Tiger moved faster than a man of his size should be able to. Catching up, he latched on to Dick’s waist, pulling back and swinging him around.

 

“Tiger!” Dick shrieked as he was thrown onto the couch, a quick movement pulling Tiger on top of him. “Okay I yield! I yield!”

 

Tiger grinned. “Oh, do you now? I guess I’ll allow that.” He loosened his grip, which proved to be a mistake. Dick went to push Tiger off, but was unsuccessful, instead rolling them both off the couch, disappearing behind the coffee table. After a solid smack with the ground, raucous giggles rang out.

 

The scene faded. Talon was confused. Talon felt want. But Talons did not want. Talon watched.

 

 

********

 

A few scenes had past, and Talon knew that something was happening to him. Talon felt himself changing, though he wasn’t sure why. This couldn’t be the Court’s will. Sometimes he just floated, in a hazy gray. Otherwise, all that kept going by were scenes from a life, the life of someone outside the court. The only consistency was Dick. Dick was in every scene. The man who shared his face.

 

The fog lifted in wisps of smoke. A rich and stately decorated living room was revealed. The only thing out of place with the décor was a massive entertainment center, currently playing a B-grade horror movie.

 

Talon could make out two pushed together couches, a pile of bodies lounging on top. Limbs were tangled every which way, as the people curled around and on top of each other. 5 boys, and 2 girls. Talon only recognized Dick, and one other boy. The boy that had helped Batman secure him in his cell. Tim. That was his name.

 

The pile shifted, drawing Talon’s attention. Buried in the others, Dick sighed happily. “I love a good cuddle puddle.”

 

The smallest boy wrinkled his nose. “Call it that one more time Grayson, and I shall leave.”

 

“Aw, you wouldn’t. You love me Little D.” Talon almost felt… fond. But why. How could he care? Why would he care?

 

The largest of them snorted. “Yeah, but none of us love you enough to deal with your weight for this long. Get off me and let one of the shrimps over instead.”

 

A light growl came from the smallest one.

 

Dick looked affronted. “Jason! Are you calling me fat?”

 

“No.”

 

Dick pouted. “What do you think Duke?”

 

Duke looked unimpressed. “Why must you involve me in your shenanigans. You know what? Yes. He did call you fat.”

 

Jason smirked. “Okay, maybe I did.”

 

Naturally, Dick sat on Jason, ensuring that even more of his body landed on top of Jason’s. Jason was not pleased. “Oh, there’s no way this is happening.” Jason threw a pillow at Dick, who dodged. Unfortunately, the pillow hit Tim, which sparked a small tussle between the boys. The smallest one joined in, seemingly just to cause chaos.

 

Talon had no place in this scene, but for some reason, he wanted to join in.

 

As fierce as the fight got, even dragging in Duke, the 5 boys didn’t move all that much. They were far too warm and content for that. Until, a pillow flew past a hit one of the girls. Talon was wary of this one, her body showed an assassin’s training.

 

Clearly, the boys were wary as well. They all froze and began muttering. “Who hit Cass?” “Did you hit her?”

 

She did nothing at first. Then quick as a whip, her arm snapped a pillow up and threw it at the blonde girl. The blonde started to moan dramatically. “Cass… why…betrayal.”

 

After this move, all hell broke loose. Cushions flying left and right, all seven of them flipping maniacally around the room.

 

Talon’s eyes snapped to the door as a man entered. Tiger. A dangerous man, yet Talon no longer felt apprehension around him. Talon wanted to protect him, fiercely, unlike his detached desire to protect the Court. The Court had to be protected because he was a Talon. He was tired of not understanding why he was feeling at all.

 

“Help me! Help me Tiger!” Dick yelled from where he was trapped underneath several bodies. “There ganging up on me!”

 

Tiger left the room. “Betrayed!” Dick crowed. “Betrayed by the love of my life! Oh, how will I ever survive this travesty, this-” A pillow hit him in the face. Cass had excellent aim. Talon was right to think her dangerous.

 

They continued until another man came in. Talon immediately registered the imposing figure as Batman. He skittered back, forgetting he was invisible to the scene. Batman pinched his nose. “I will not be explaining this to Alfred. How did I raise such hooligans?” Batman was nailed in the face with a pillow, sending the room into delighted chaos once again.

 

But Talon could not relax. His reaction to Batman was the strangest one yet. Batman was the enemy, but Talon also yearned to go to him.

 

Talon yearned to be with all of them. Why?

 

Talon felt liquid on his face. He reached up. He was… crying?

 

Talon did not understand. Talon watched.

 

********

 

Memory after memory came. Patterns emerged. The group of people from the pillow fight appeared over and over. Talon began to understand what they were. A family. Talons weren’t meant to want such things, but in those memories, Talon wanted it more than anything. Perhaps Talon was broken.

 

Even more frequent was the one known as Tiger. He had plenty of his own memories, with Dick alone. But he was also in many of the Family memories. Tiger was Family, but also not. He was Family, but also something else.

 

A heated sensation was ballooning in Talon, rising, trying to break out. It felt as if another presence was trying to take his mind, burn him out. It was so hot, compared to the cold that radiated from his body. Talon was scared of it. But it felt… familiar, in a way. This made him curious, another thing he wasn’t supposed to be able to feel. However, Talon could not allow this presence to come out. It would prove that Talon was broken, and the Court of Owls disposed of broken things.

 

Talon had to resist. But he knew that there was no way to escape the memories. He merely floated in his soft grey prison. Deceptively gentle.

 

So, Talon watched.

 

********

 

Talon was feeling. More and more. But he was reflecting and found that he didn’t mind. The worry of disobeying the Court was getting quieter and quieter. Perhaps the Court was not all seeing. Perhaps, just this once, they may even be wrong.

 

Talon decided that he would rather embrace the emotion. The emotion felt a lot nicer than what the Court had shown him.

 

The gray faded into another memory.

 

Talon saw Tiger and felt joy flow through him. (joy, he was feeling joy!) Talon loved the emotions that could be felt in all the memories, but the ones with Tiger were the best.

 

Someone chosen, when choice wasn’t something that Talon had. A life partner. Talon blinked, confused. A life partner for Dick, not him.

 

 But Talon was allowed to bask in the memories, and for that he was grateful.

 

Dick and Tiger walked hand in hand, through lush gardens. Tiger looked nervous. Talon cocked his head. This was unlike him. (how did Talon know that? Talon shouldn’t know that.)

 

Tiger took a breath. “Dick… we’ve been together for a long time. And it’s honestly been the best years of my life. I never want it to end, so I think-“

 

“Oh, oh my god. Is this what I think it is!” Dick looked ecstatic.

 

“Dick, hold on, I have a whole speech planned-“

 

“But I don’t think I can wait if this is what I think it is.”

 

“You-you… are so ridiculous.” Tiger said, exasperated. Dick giggled.

 

Tiger, despite his words, looked fondly at Dick. Like Dick was his entire world. Tiger couldn’t help laughing with him. “Alright, you ridiculous, ridiculous man. We’ll do it your way.”

 

Tiger got down on one knee. “I love you more than anything in this universe or the next. Dick Grayson, will you marry me?”

 

Dick had tears in his eyes. “Yes! Of course! I’d marry you anytime, anywhere.”

 

Dick threw himself at Tiger. The scene faded to the sight of Dick and Tiger kissing fiercely, pouring everything they had into each other. They were more one person that two, aligned heart, body and soul.

 

Talon watched. And as he watched, he was in bliss.

 

********

 

The next scene was different. This was wrong, choppy. All the scenes from before were happy, but this one felt dreadful. He did not like this development.

 

In the memory, Talon was on the rooftops, and he was there, but Dick was not. The current version of Talon looked around wildly. The Family was there. Tiger was there. But Dick was not, and Dick was always there.

 

Dick may not be there, but Talon, Talon was in the memory.

 

If Dick had to be there, and Talon was there, and they had the same face, then Dick was Talon. Talon was Dick. But he didn’t remember.

 

Talon could see himself, threatening to kill the Family. Talon could not kill the Family, because it was Dick’s Family, and Talon was Dick.

 

Talon was feeling the other side, the side of his prey. He was terrified. His mind was a jumble, to the point where he couldn’t remember the outcome of this encounter.

 

His past self had chosen the weakest target, the most emotionally compromised. No, no, no no no no no. Not the smallest one. Talon couldn’t hurt the smallest one.

 

He saw himself lunge at the smallest one, the other’s too far away to help. Tiger began to move, his strong, beautiful Tiger, but he was too far away. He wouldn’t make it.

 

Talon watched. Dick screamed.

 

********

 

Talon woke up, jolting to the floor. This hurt, he didn’t want it, he didn’t want it. His hands rose up, nails digging into his arms. The room spun, the gray walls were closing in, and he was back in his coffin, please no, he’d do anything, don’t freeze him again, he was scared, he wanted Bruce, he wanted his dad, it hurt, IT HURT!

 

“-rayson! Grayson!” Piercing through the fog, a voice grew louder and louder. A sob. “Dick… please.” Wild, Talons eyes flashed open. He could see a boy, made small and young by the fear on his face. Talon should know this boy… Damian! He was alive. Tiger had made it in time. Talon hoarded the name close to his chest. This was his, his memory. Not a target. Talon reached for the glass.

 

“Dami…”. The nickname felt right, rolling off his tongue like it belonged there. Talon placed his hand on the glass. Damian did as well, mirroring Talon, his smaller hand disappearing behind Dick’s larger one. He gave a small smile through his tears.

 

Neither moved for a long time.

 

********

 

The gray was different this time, as Talon-Dick-Talon floated. No. His name was Dick. His name was Dick Grayson. He repeated it, over and over and over. He couldn’t forget again. He couldn’t be Talon ever again.

 

Still, Dick _(Talon)_ felt turmoil within himself. Talon and the Court’s influence were there, pressing down. But Dick could ignore it, for a while at least.

 

Still, he knew any slip-up would drag him back into oblivion. Dick needed another reason to fight.

 

He needed a task, something to drive him. Something that only he could do. Suddenly, it dawned on him. So obvious, so clear.

 

Tiger.

 

He needed ensure Tiger knew. Tiger knew that Dick loved him, and that he wanted to be with him forever. Have a family and be a family. Something Tiger had never truly experienced growing up.

 

Now, Dick loved his siblings more than anything. They would miss him just as much as Tiger would. But they had the support of the family that Bruce had built. Dick knew they would be alright. Maybe not right away, but eventually. They could lean on each other.

 

But Tiger, his love, wouldn’t believe he had a place in that family without Dick there. That broke Dick’s heart. Dick would, no questions asked, profess to the world that Tiger had a place within the batfamily. No matter what the circumstances. Yet Tiger still didn’t believe it. As much as Tiger had grown in the time Dick knew him, he still couldn’t see that the batfamily had adopted him as much as they adopted each other. And he never would without Dick there. Tiger would leave grieve by himself, unwilling to intrude on a grieving family. A family that he was part of.

 

Tiger couldn’t forgive himself for past mistakes, and until he did, he would never believe that anyone else could either.

 

Dick couldn’t give up. He had to get back to his Tiger and make him believe again. So, he broke through.

 

*

 

Dick’s eyes flickered open, gray greeting him yet again. But for the first time, his mind was clear, able to process the grey walls of his cell in crisp detail. Dick rolled onto his knees before carefully standing up. Now that he was finally processing properly, he could see past his cell, through the glass to the familiar dark walls of Batcave. The Batcave was deserted, except a solitary figure.

 

Dick’s heart soared. Damian. He felt a little guilty, knowing that he had missed some things he had promised to be there for. “Dami! Sorry I missed your parent-teacher conference.”

 

Damian shot up like he had been electrified. “Grayson!” -he shouted, rushing towards the glass- “Y-your back. The real you.”

 

To Dick’s amazement, Damian began to cry.

 

“Damian?” Dick tried to reach out and comfort his brother, immediately meeting the glass with a jarring slam.

 

“Ohhh shit-I mean shoot, sorry Damian. Hey, just look at me. I’m here, and it’ll be okay.”

 

Damian cried harder. Dick suspected he might be out of practice with the whole comforting thing. He raised his voice.

 

“HELLO? IS THERE ANYONE ELSE HERE.” Dick glanced at Damian again. “I COULD USE SOME HELP AND TO BE HONEST I’M A _LITTLE_ FREAKED OUT!”

 

Bruce came running in like a -Dick giggled to himself- bat out of hell. He looked between Damian and Dick with what Dick recognized as his patented “there is an emotion present and I’m not prepared” face. Well, Dick figured, might as well make it worse.

 

“Hey Dad.” He said, throat tight.

 

“Dick?” Bruce responded, flat and a little lost. His gaze roamed over Dick.

 

Tim chose this opportune moment to run in, Duke close behind. Tim skidded to a stop. “I heard yelling and it sounded almost like-” he stopped to observe the scene and his face bloomed into a mildly panicked expression. Damian, still crying, wrapped his arms around Tim in what was unmistakably a hug. Tim looked even more panicked. He was very freaked out by this uncharacteristic move.

 

Duke wasn’t doing much better. “Jesus Tim, hug him back. He’s still a kid.” He awkwardly wrapped his arms around Damian, who latched on to his new target. “Uh, there there.” Duke patted his back.

 

Tim, now free, focused his attention back on the matter at hand. “What the actual hell is going on?”

 

“Language.” Dick couldn’t help saying.

 

Tim’s eyes flashed to Dick. “What the fuck!?”

 

“TIM LANGUAGE DAMIAN’S A BABY!” Tim blinked.

 

“He grew up in the League of Assassins Dick I’m sure he’s heard, and he’s definitely seen, a lot worse-” Tim cut himself off. “Dick?” He seemed afraid to hope.

 

Dick smiled gently, trying to offset his new appearance. “Yeah. It’s me. I’m so sorry.”

 

Tim’s hand drifted over his mouth, overcome.

 

Bruce finally got back with the program. In a move entirely unlike him, Bruce threw caution to the wind. He ran to the cell door and opened it, incorrectly punching in the code twice before managing to get in.

 

He pulled Dick into a hug. Dick froze, then carefully wrapped his arms around Bruce in return. He reveled in the warmth surrounding him. Dick’s body was now cold to the touch, but Bruce’s was warm, and he felt like home.

 

Bruce looked him in the eyes. “Dick, remember that none of this was your fault. And Tiger wouldn’t have wanted you to blame-”

 

“Blame myself for what?” Dick cut in, terrified. “Did I hurt him!” Dick re-ran the sentence through his head, and ice filled his stomach.

 

“Wouldn’t?” Dick interjected, fear filling his tone. He wouldn’t have hurt Tiger bad enough for him to leave… would he? Where was Tiger? Dick was about to start hyperventilating. He didn’t know what he would do Tiger had left him.

 

Bruce sagged. “Tiger’s gone Dick. He threw himself between you and Damian, saving Damian’s life. And” – Bruce visibly steeled himself, looking to the others for support— “you killed him.”

 

Dick broke.

 

The bats scattered as screams of sorrow filled the cave.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry. I await my murder attempts.


End file.
